ADHD spotlight: Amanda Reynaert - founder of Citrine Design
Amanda Reynaert runs graphic design studio Citrine Design in Canada, working with clients all over the world. Amanda shares how her ADHD diagnosis came about, how she felt different at school and how the app FLOWN has helped her.
Tell us about Citrine Design
I own my graphic design studio Citrine Design. I lead my team as a human, who is also a creative director. My work varies day to day, which is probably why I’m entering my ninth year with the same business. (ADHDers know..)
Most days I’m designing alongside my team, other days I’m meeting with clients to develop creative solutions to their business goals. Some days I’m art directing photo shoots, shopping, cooking, styling and photographing delicious food dishes. We work with outstanding clients all over the world; including the UK, Australia, Denmark and USA.
Outside of work what are some of the things you do to unwind?
As a chronically behind, undiagnosed ADHDer, I’ve had a complicated relationship with unwinding and hobbies. But since finding FLOWN and regaining focus and reliable flow state, which has led to more capacity, I actually have time now. I don’t spend my evenings and weekend berating myself for all I didn’t do that day. I mean, who knew how exhausting it to be a big ol mean bully to yourself all day, everyday.
I’m always drawn to creative projects. I’ve recently got back into art (well the kind I’m not paid for) for the first time in 20 years. Right now it’s watercolour as it’s a great medium for little bits of time. I’ve also started to allow myself to write, something I’ve always loved but couldn’t claim. But really, for me, creative projects take on all kinds of things. Building a fence, changing the layout in as many rooms in my house as I can, gardening etc.
Unwinding specifically would be reading, I can be a voracious reader during the winter, reading 20+ books a month. During the summer, it’s relaxing on my patio (that I designed custom shade panels for #ADHD) or swimming in the lake.
Did you ever feel different?
Whew, only my whole life. I was a pretty quiet kid, very shy but pretty happy. I did well enough in school, especially in subjects I loved, like art. I always needed my own space, a place to go and just be myself, which I can see now was needing a break from the masking I did at school. I was definitely a keener, teacher's pet, I really enjoyed connections with adults, sometimes even over friends my age.
As I got older, high school specifically, I started to feel that common feeling amongst ADHDers that I seemed a bit different from my classmates. Some classes were PAINFULLY boring. I studied differently than my friends. Socially I had a good set of friends, but I don’t know that I ever felt I was totally myself. I often felt like a therapist to my friends, but I never felt safe to open myself up that way in return.
As an adult I excelled in my career as a graphic designer, I worked for small businesses and had amazing opportunities to learn and lead young. I always referred to it as my ‘entrepreneurial spirit’ but I can see looking back now this is actually one of the manifestations of ADHD that is a strength.
How old were you when you were diagnosed or suspected you had ADHD?
I was assessed and met criteria just shy of my 40th birthday. Looking back there where many signs that I didn’t have a label for but the clearest one happened in the most stressful event of my life, the diagnosis journey we took with our youngest daughter, a magical unicorn who lives with a very rare genetic muscle disease.
It was watching my oldest daughter who was nearly 6 at the time navigate remote learning. I wasn’t sure if what I seeing was typical of a kid navigating a pandemic and online learning, or something more. I started researching ADHD in girls, and she hit a lot of marks and so did I.
How do you find being neurodivergent helps with running a business?
Creativity for sure! Creative solutions pop up in my brain like popcorn when I’m presented with a new challenge. It feels like a surge of energy pumping through my whole body. My pen often can’t move fast enough for the flow of ideas. And not just the ideas, but many parts of the execution of them all as well.
I’ve worked with a lot of our clients for 7+ years, which is a long time in the world of design. I think that’s because my team and I are always levelling up. Even the month to month types of projects, I have to stay out of them because I want to change them every time I get my hands on them lol. There is no resting on our design laurels for Team Citrine.
The wide variety of services I can offer are a big plus, especially when I was first getting started. Being able to produce photography with the design in mind, and the design with photography in mind made custom work more accessible to my clients.
And that’s the kind of thing that helps companies stand out. A lot of graphic designers require all of the details of a project before they can get started. I welcome and value those clients who have it all organized, but I’m here for the ones who just need to brain dump and have us fill in the details.
When I’m properly supported I’m unstoppable. The flow of creativity is full and endless. I’m shinning and living fully. Sorting out what that support is for everyone unique to them.
FLOWN app
For me, it’s therapy, medication, and a virtual co-working tool/community called FLOWN. FLOWN was my missing piece – it’s sounds dramatic, but it has changed my life. I went from total and complete burnout, close to losing clients, to being fully engaged and present in my business. I’ve not had a burn out since I began using FLOWN, and every day I’ve made meaningful progress. It’s proof that the right support mix can help us thrive.
What are the positives of being neurodivergent?
Divergence - Thinking differently. Looking at things from angles others wouldn’t. If typical are looking at something from sitting or standing, maybe walking around. Then divergents are looking at it from laying down on the ground, getting up high, flipping it, inverting it. Taking it out of the situation, putting it somewhere else. And then seeing the steps in between.
Emotional Intelligence and many other soft skills - I’m not sure if this is all neurodivergents, but I think it’s probably common enough. We have loads of empathy, we’re in tune with the humanity of the problems we are solving. We know the power of being supported, being seen.
We lead as humans first. We allow space for life. Even our tendency to overshare allows stories and experiences to be shared safely amongst our teams. There are many things about my approach to leadership that go against what a lot of ‘boss’ culture would say is being too personal. But it’s that level of personal that has helped my team and I create such a beautiful experience that we are all really proud of.
Resilience - Resilience is earned through struggle, but I am so grateful for it. It’s my ‘stand back up’ again attitude. It’s my ‘there is always a solution’ mindset. It’s not often our clients push back because they don’t like something, but if they do, I’ll have my quick little sad panda party, and then I’m geared up for a new solution, that is ALWAYS better. I’m not sure neurotypicals could get back up as often as ADHD’rs have had to do through their whole lives.
What was your first step to seeking an ADHD diagnosis?
My anger was out of control and I was a version of myself I didn’t recognize. I had been in therapy for over a year at this point, but the constant overwhelm wasn’t getting any better, it was actually getting worse and impacting my family. I took a few respected online ADHD assessments that came back with some strong suggestions to seek out an assessment. So, I did because I was out of other ideas, but I knew I didn’t want to keep living as a shell of myself.
What is something you wish people knew about having ADHD?
ADHD is THIS AND. Duality. It’s having these amazing skills and abilities that make us great friends, business owners, leaders, innovators and creators. AND it’s also a daily struggle to close the gap between who we know we are, and who we have the capacity to show up us.
Neurodivergents have always been here. This isn’t a trend, it’s a recognition and understanding new information. And I’m quite certain that a lot of the advancement we’ve enjoyed as humans has largely been because of the folks with the brains that thought beyond their current reality.
Do you have a favourite motto?
Lately, ‘less typical, more divergent’, which is just a way of reminding myself to be more me. Remove the mask, lean into the things I’ve denied myself, and see my unique skill set as the gift that it is. Also, honouring my natural rhythms of rest and productivity.
What do you wish people had told you about ADHD?
One thing I wish someone would have told me is that sometimes in the space following your diagnosis the awareness may be crippling.
The hyper awareness of the impact paired with the very real symptoms that you didn’t know were symptoms – it can be really hard. If I had known that might be coming, I think I could have moved through it better. I didn’t know until I was out of it, what I had just come out of.
Find out more about Amanda:
Instagram: @CitrineDesignCo